rain and brains

     i think too much. 

     on tuesday evening, august thirty first, my squad and i arrived in grenada, nicaragua. i was tired. i’d flown on two airplanes, experienced claustrophobia one too many times, hauled my bag across many acres of floor, sweated through several conversations in half spanish half english, and had my bag spontaneously checked and rifled through by monagua airport security—all on about three hours of sleep, a pop tart, and a questionable excuse for a happy meal. 

     i was reeling a bit.

     when we finally settled into the van for the drive to grenada, i slowly came out of my strange, slap-happy-sleep-deprived state of being. and stared into space for a good long time. i accidentally did the thing where i started thinking too much about too many things on too many planes in too many different directions. i knew i was excited—somewhere in me i was itchy to get there, all sparkly with anticipation and excitement—but i didn’t feel it right then. i felt like a surgeon had started an operation on me and then taken a lunch break and left me all strategically splayed out and dismembered on the table. a LOT of questions (big surprise) ran frantic laps in my brain, and i didn’t have any time or will to answer them all. i couldn’t help but just sort of sit there for a minute and close my eyes and try to figure myself out. 

     and then i heard it start to rain. 

     since nicaragua is in its rainy season, the sky had been dark and gray since we’d arrived. there’d been some sprinkling on and off, but now it started to really rain, with big heavy drops that drummed on the roof of the van like tiny tin feet. 

     even though itd been sort of raining all day, when it started raining harder, i suddenly thought of something my mother had told me once. 

    “when it’s raining in movies it’s either sad or the story is changing.” 

     completely removing the “movie” aspect of the equation, i felt a bit better. i was confident enough to believe that in this case the story was changing for the better—or at least i hoped so. for it to start raining harder right when my brain was plotting to grow legs and jump out the window was all the reassurance my mind and heart needed then. i hoped that the things God had for me here would shape me rightly, and i hoped i would embrace it. 

     i rode the rest of the drive feeling like that Excitement Itch had finally come to the surface and presented itself in a slightly more tidy manner. sometimes your heart is ready but your mind isn’t. i knew my heart was ready, but my mind was spinning a bit before i started thinking about rain. then both were okay again. 

     thank you Jesus for brains and rain:)

     “therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough trouble of its own.” -matthew 6:34 

     – 🙂